No matter how hard you try
by tiny daydreamer
Summary: Soulmate au. The Indico is a ceremony where every twelve year old shadowhunter gets their soulmate's name on their wrist. Alec Lightwood is about to find out who his soulmate is and he couldn't be more terrified. But when he finds out, it doesn't get any better. Infact it gets worse. What good will the eldest Lightwood having a male downworlder as a soulmate do? Nothing. MALEC XX
1. No matter when it happens

**Hello again! So I've had this story idea for a while now but only just now decided to write it. I know I have two other stories which I have STILL NOT FINISHED but I really wanted to see if you would like this one. It's a soulmate au but slightly different than normal.** ** _I own nothing!_**

Chapter 1

Alec Lightwood was twelve years old. What did this mean? It meant he would find out who his soulmate was. He would get her name on his wrist. _At least, Alec hoped it was a her but he was starting to have doubts._ Downworlders were born with the name but shadowhunters had to wait until they were twelve so they could go to the _Indico._ A ceremony where their soulmate was revealed.

On rare occasions, a shadowhunter would have a downworlder mate. For them, the downworlder would not have been born with a mark but it would appear at the same time as the shadowhunter's.

The _Indico_ was only a day away and Alec had never been more nervous. What if he got a downworlder? What if... what if he got a _man?_ Alec put his head in his hands and tried to get rid of the thought. There was no way. He was the eldest Lightwood there was no way he would be... he couldn't even bring himself to say it.

He knew what would happen at the ceremony. So he shouldn't be nervous. He had watched others go up to the stage, have the rune drawn on them. The rune that would transform into a name. He had watched one or two downworld pairings. They were horrible to watch. So much pain and... Alec had to stop. It was scaring him too much.

Luckily, his thoughts were interrupted by his three siblings barging into his room. Jace and Izzy were eleven, they still had one year, while Max was only three. He waddled in after the other two, round glasses askew.

"What are you moping about?" Jace asked, hitting him on the back. Alec made no reply.

"He's worried about the _Indico._ " Izzy informed him, going to sit next to her brother. "Aren't you?"

Alec nodded, not feeling able to speak.

"Alec, that's ridiculous!" Jace scoffed. "You know exactly what's going to happen. You are going to stand in that excruciatingly long line, get your name called, go up to the stage, get the rune drawn on you, watch it transform into some chick's name, dad will call it out, _since he's the head of the institute,_ and you'll go sit down next to the others who have just done exactly what you have."

"What if it's a downworlder?" Alec asked, looking at his hands.

Max ran towards Izzy and she gracefully picked him up, saying "Alec, you are a _Lightwood_! There's no way she would be a downworlder."

Alec couldn't help but notice both his siblings assuming that his soulmate would be a _she._ He only hoped they were right.

*

Magnus sat on his sofa, stroking Chairman meow and watching America's next top model. It was the shadowhunters' _Indico_ tomorrow and, being the high Warlock of Brooklyn, he had to attend. Magnus sighed theatrically and threw his head back.

He hated going to their stupid soulmate ceremony. Every year, it just reminded him that he had no one. No one. Dreamily, he gazed at the spot on his wrist where his soulmate's name should be. It was bare and boring. A constant reminder.

There was only one thing that could make him feel better now. Catarina. Okay, two things. Catarina and whisky rocks. His heart ache drink. Magnus grabbed his mobile and diled Cat's number.

"Hello, my sparkly friend." Came Cat's voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Cat!" Magnus sighed. "You know what's wrong, look at the date!"

Magnus heard a small chucked on the other end. "Oh yes. The day you dread all year round and when it finishes, you start dreading the next one."

"Help me, Catty!" Magnus whined. "It's hours of watching insolent Shadowhunters find their insolent shadowhunter soulmates! Its boooooring!"

"Magnus, are you drunk?" Cat asked.

"No!" Magnus put his hand to his heart. "I am not drunk! How dare you?"

He heard Cat sigh. "Look, Mags, I know this ceremony reminds you of... things. But you never know, this might be the year your shadowhunter gets thier mark."

"You say that every year." Magnus slurred.

"No, I don't." Came Cat's snap. "You just have to be patient, Magnus."

"I've been patient!" Magnus yelled, looking at his wrist. "What if I haven't got a shadowhunter soulmate? What if I just don't have one?"

"That's impossible, Magnus."

"You never know. I might be the first of a superior species." Magnus snapped.

"No, Magnus." He could hear Cat laughing. "You're not a superior species. You just have to wait for the right one to come along."

"How long do I have to wait?" Magnus sobbed. "How long am I going to be alone?"

Cat sighed. "Magnus, you say this every year. If you are really feeling that lonely, go out and meet someone."

"But they wouldn't be my soulmate so what's the point?" Magnus whined.

"You wouldn't feel so lonely. And it would be an easier wait. Besides, _this year could be the year."_ Cat strained the words in the last sentance.

"So what if it is?" Magnus groaned. "I'll still have to wait years for them to be an appropriate age! They'll be twelve for goodness sake! I can't date a child!"

"But at least you'll know they exist and you can stop doing this every year!" Magnus could tell his friend was getting impatient now.

"I don't want to have to wait any longer." He said in a small voice. There was silence on the other side so he carried on. "I don't know how much longer I can cope."

There was a pause before Cat said. "Mags, I don't know what I can do but if this is the year you won't have to wait much longer."

"And if it isn't?"

"I'm here for you. And you can spend your time imagining what you're soulmate would look like. I know you like doing that."

Magnus grinned. "Black hair, blue eyes. Pale but not so much that they look like a vampire. Tall. Very tall. And..."

"Okay, Magnus. That's all I need to hear. I have a feeling that you will start going into too much detail soon." Cat chuckled.

Magnus giggled and layed back. "Thanks, Catty."

"Good luck tomorrow, Mags. I hope you find them." And she hung up.

 **So what do you think? Please let me know. I don't know if I should carry this on or not.**

 ** _Also, I found a great song for Magnus in this chapter. 'Soulmate' by Natasha Bedingfield. It fits so well and it's weird. Check it out!_**


	2. No matter what happens

**I'm back with another chapter! Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 2

Magnus walked towards the institute with an enormous hangover which didn't help the situation at all. He was starting to see all the other high-ranked downworlders in New York and groaned when he saw one specific vampire. Camille, the New York clan leader. ( _remember, Raphael isn't leader yet. Alec is **twelve.**_ )

"Maggie!" Camille waved at him, grinning a fake smile.

Magnus kept on walking. Her high pitched squealing did no good for his headache.

"Magnus!" Camille screeched and she ran to catch up with him. "Didn't you hear me?"

"I was impossible not to hear you, Camille." Magnus said in a monotone voice.

Camille pouted. "Oh no. Are you in a mood because you have no soulmate?"

"I have a soulmate." Magnus snapped before whispering under his breath. "I think."

Camille flipped her golden hair and huffed. "Well, take a page out of my book. Soulmates mean nothing." She looked at the name on her wrist. "I have waited centuries for this guy and he still hasn't turned up. So I have stopped waiting and started acting like he doesn't exist. It's making me sooo much happier."

Magnus ignored her, just stared straight ahead and carried on walking.

"Magnus? Are you even listening?" Camille whined.

"Maybe that works for you, Camille." Magnus whispered. "But I'm prepared to wait for the right one. Even if it takes centuries."

"It _has_ taken centuries!" Camille snapped.

"Then It'll be worth the wait."

*

Alec stood in front of his full - length mirror, staring at his reflection. For the _Indico_ , it was traditional for the twelve year olds to wear their fighting gear. Alec hated his fighting gear. He couldn't wear his comfortable, old jumpers. No. He had to wear uncomfortable black jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a leather jacket. Guess what colour? Black. He strapped on his thigh holster and groaned. He hated that thing too.

There was a knock on his door. "Yes?" He called. Izzy opened the door.

"It's time." She whispered. Alec sighed and walked towards her.

"Do I look okay?" He asked nervously.

"You look perfect." Izzy grinned and turned to walk away. "Wait!" She spun back round again and ruffled Alec's ebony hair, messing it up. "Now you're perfect."

Alec laughed at his sister and put his arm round her shoulders. Izzy managed to make him laugh even when he thought it was impossible.

They walked in silence to the hall, Jace joining them along the way. When they got to the doors, they stopped. "This is where we leave you." Izzy said, almost sadly. Alec hugged her and she nearly ran into the hall.

"Good luck, mate." Jace patted his back and walked in after their sister.

Alec just stood their for a minute, scared stiff, before he spun on his heels and walked towards the back doors. There he found the other twelve years olds all standing in a line. He joined the back of it. That was when he realised that was a big mistake. Becasue standing infront of him was Lydia Branwell.

"Alec!" She squeeled, spinning round to hug him. Alec had known that Lydia liked him for a while now but he had always tried to avoid the subject.

"Hi, Lydia." Alec said with fake enthusiasm. Finally, she released him with a grin on her face.

"I'm so exited." She said breathlessly. "I get to find out who my soulmate is!" Alec knew she hoped it was him. "Why aren't you exited?"

Alec shrugged. "I guess I'm more nervous."

"There's no need to be nervous, Alec!" Lydia exlaimed. "It's a good thing!"

"Children!" Maryse Lightwood called from the door. "We're ready for you."

Lydia smiled at him one more time before following the people infront of her to enter the hall. Alec had no choice but to do the same.

*

Magnus sat in his seat next to the other high warlocks. The hall was split into two sides, shadowhunter and downworlder. There were rows and rows of seats with an aisle in the middle seperating the two sides. At the front was a stage, standing on it was a very proud Robert Lightwood.

How he hated the Lightwoods. Magnus that heard that their eldest son was going to have his soulmate revealed today. That should be interesting.

Suddenly, the double doors opened with a bang and the children walked slowly in. They were all in their fighting gear and walking in perfect synchronisation. It was kind of creepy.

The kids all stood tall and proud, their faces serious. All except one. At the back of a line was a boy with a messy mop of black hair. He had his head down, so Magnus couldn't see his face, and was slouched. He clearly didn't want to be there.

The children kept on walking until they stood in their line by a wall. A wall that was, of Course, on the shadowhunters' side. Magnus strained to see the boy but it was impossoble through the crowd of seated Nephilim.

*

Alec stood in the line, leaning against the wall. His hands were shaking and he willed them to stop. They didn't so instead, he hid them behind his back. His dad said his usual spiel about soulmates and the angel before he started calling out names.

Alec tried to block them all out, calming himself down. It was exactly the same for each person anyway. It got boring after a while.

"Lydia Branwell!" Called his dad. Lydia squeeled and practically ran up to the stage. Alec watched intently, terrified that his name would turn up on her wrist.

Alec watched as his dad drew the soulmate rune on Lydia. His breath caught in his throat. White light burst out of Lydia's rune and illuminated her face. A shadowhunter soulmate.

When the light faded, Alec knew the rune had transformed into a name. The only question was who's? Robert grabbed Lydia's wrist and called out. "John Monteverde!"

Alec let out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. Thank goodness. Lydia visibly deflated at the name not being Alec's and walked to her seat without the usual skip in her step. Alec couldn't help but feel a little bad.

That was when he realised there were only a few people left and so far, no one had a downworld soulmate. Alec shouldn't have been surprised, it was very rare. And yet...

"Alexander Lightwood!" His dad called and Alec froze. No. No no no! Alec forced himself to start walking up to the stage. Forced himself to look calm. He stood before his father and Robet smiled at him. Alec couldn't smile back.

Robert took his son's wrist and drew the rune. Alec felt like everything had frozen. That split second waiting to see what was going to happen was the longest he had ever endured. If only it had lasted longer. Black smoke started emanating from the rune, twisting and turning upwards. There was a series of gasps and that was when it started.

The pain. It was more intense than anything Alec had felt. It spread from the rune, feeling like fire in his vains. He screamed and crumpled to the ground. The pain just got worse. The black smoke kept on coming until it enveloped Alec like a blanket.

All he could see was black and he knew, from watching previous years, that he would be invisable to the others. Completely covered by the smoke. He screamed out one more time as the pain seemed to increase in a burst.

Then it was gone. The smoke started to fade away and Alec was visable again, gasping and kneeling on the floor. His soulmate was a downworlder. A _downworlder!_ He had tarnished the family name! Loss all respect! There was only one worry left. Was it a man? Alec couldn't bring himself to look.

Instead he stood up and stared at his father. The look on his face was of shock and pure disgust. He grabbed his son's wrist forcefully and Alec winced in pain. Alec didn't think his father's face could have got any worse. But he was wrong. It suddenly turned into hatred and fury. Robert dropped Alec's wrist like it was on fire and stared at the crowd.

"Magnus Bane!" He called. The room erupted into whispers and Alec stood there in shock. His soulmate was a man. A male downworlder! Both the things he had dreaded had come true. He looked out at the crowd, keeping his face emotionless. They were all whispering and pointing at him. He saw Izzy and Jace staring at him with sympathy in thier eyes but he could tell they were just as shocked. He saw his mother in tears.

Alec was supposed to sit down with the others now but he couldn't. Not with them all acting like this. Instead, Alec stood up straighter and walked almost robot-like to the double doors. He ignored Izzy calling out his name _"Alec!"_ and opened both doors at the same time, hearing them crash shut behind him.

*

"Magnus Bane!" He called.

Magnus froze. Magnus Bane? Did he say Magnus Bane? All downworlders turned to look at him but he ignored them, staring at Alexander Lightwood. His soulmate. His soulmate was a _Lightworm!_

Of all horrible families it had to be the Lightwoods. And it had to be the eldest son if Robert and Maryse! He watched as Alexander turned to face them all.

His face was stone and as white a sheet. His black hair was sticking in random places and that was when Magnus realised that this was the slouching boy. A self-conscious Lightwood! Magnus thought he would never see the day. Green eyed monsters.

Except Alexander's eyes weren't green. They were the most stunning blue. They sparkled while the rest of his face was emotionless. They were the most beautiful things Magnus had ever seen. Huh. Black hair, blue eyes. Pale, tall. He was perfect. But Magnus doubted that he could ever _like_ a Lightwood, let alone _love_ one.

Alexander had started walking now but he didn't stop like Magnus expected him to. No. He carried on walking to the doors. "Alec!" He heard a girl called. So he liked to be called Alec did he? Interesting. Magnus prefered Alexander.

It hit him suddenly, like a bolt of lightning. This was Alexander. His soulmate. Who cared what his surname was? Without thinking, Magnus got up and ran after the boy. Ran after his soulmate.

 **Well, that was unintentionally long! Hope you guys enjoyed it and please review. Xx**

 ** _Alec will age throughout the next couple of chapters so, don't worry, he won't be 12 forever!_**


	3. No matter who you are

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Chapter** **3**

Chapter 3

Magnus burst through the double doors and looked around frantically for his soulmate. Then, to his left, some way down the corridor was Alexander. He was leaning against one of the windowsills, staring outside.

Magnus carefully made his way towards him. "Alexander?" He asked, his voice shaky. Why was he so nervous?! He was twelve years old for goodness sake!

Alexander turned round and his red rimmed eyes widened at the sight of Magnus. The boy visably gulped before turning back to the window.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

Magnus ignored the rudeness, but only because of what Alec had just gone through.

"I wanted to see if you were alright. I know what you're going through." Magnus said softly, walking towards him still.

Alec spun round angilly. "How do you know what I'm going through?" And after a pause. "And who are you anyway?"

Magnus smiled slightly. He didn't know why but he couldn't help it.

"Who I am doesn't matter." He said. "But I know becasue my soulmate is a shadowhunter."

Alec took in Magnus' cat's eyes and only now realised that he was a warlock. He hadn't really been paying much attention before. Magnus carried on. "I know that yours is a warlock. And I know how tough it is."

Alec shook his head. "Its a man." He whispered. "My soulmates a man." His voice cracked and he turned to the window again.

"So is mine." Magnus cooed.

Alec made no reaction but Magnus could see he tensed a little.

"Alec." Said Magnus, remembering the girl calling his name. "I know _exactly_ what you're feeling."

Again, Alec was silent. He just put his head in his hands. Magnus walked closer and put a hand on his shoulder. "How did you cope?" Alec whispered eventually.

Magnus froze. How was he going to cope? He better be good at improv. "I love him." Magnus said. "That's enough to ignore all the whispers. I used to think it would be easier if I didn't. But I wouldn't give him up for the world. In fact, to me, he is the world." Okay, he was good at improv. Good to know.

Alec turned to look at Magnus. "I won't be able to do it. I'm a Lightwood! I...I can't...it would...I just..." Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I've ruined everything. Not only is it a downworlder. But a man. A man!"

Magnus was slightly hurt at being called an _it_ but tried not to let it show.

"I've ruined the family name. Because of me, my siblings will be seen just as inferior as I am. Becasue of me, they won't be respected in this world. It's all my fault."

Magnus didn't know what came over him, but without thinking he put his arms around the boy and rested his chin on Alec's head. Alec didn't expect the hug but welcomed it any way. There was something about this man that made him feel safe. He trusted the beautiful Warlock and he didn't know why. He didn't even know his name! Maybe he should ask.

"Who are you?" Alec muttered.

"Pardon?" Asked Magnus.

Alec pulled away and looked Magnus straight in the eyes. "What's your name?"

Magnus was silent for a while before saying. "I told you. It doesn't matter."

Alec stood further back and crossed his arms. Magnus noticed that he wasn't the weak boy he was a second ago. He stood tall and his face was serious. Yet his eyes sparkled with mischief. Maybe that was just becasue he was so young.

"But I want to know." Alec said, raising his pitch at _know._

Magnus sighed and crossed his arms, mimicking Alec. "You don't _need_ to know."

Alec smiled a lopsided smile and walked up to Magnus so they were inches apart. He stared up at him, still smiling. "Why not?"

"I'm just a warlock. I'm inferior." Magnus grinned down at the boy.

"You're not inferior." Alec purred. "Tell me your name."

Magnus wanted to tell him desperately but he didn't know how Alec would react.

"I can't." He sighed, staring down into those blue eyes.

"What's stopping you? Why are you so afraid?" Alec asked, losing the smile.

"I don't want to freak you out." Magnus whispered.

"Why would it freak me out?" Alec laughed. "Come on. Just tell me."

Magnus looked at his soulmate and he suddenly felt whole. Like that whole he had grown familiar with had vanished. He couldn't keep it from him. He never wanted to keep anything from him.

"Magnus." He said, his voice rough. Alec froze. "Magnus Bane."

Alec instantly backed away. He looked like he'd been shot. Magnus looked sadly at him. "But...but... you talked about... you're soulmate. You said all this stuff about... but you can't... it just happened." Alec gasped.

"I lied, Alexander. People lie." Magnus hated the look on his soulmate's mate.

"You..." Alec shook his head. "You're...why?"

"I just wanted to help." Magnus took a step forward and Alec took one back.

"Stay away from me!" The shadowhunter yelled.

"Alexander..."

"No! No!" Alec pointed a finger at Magnus. "I refuse to accept it. If you ever come near me again I will not hesitate to..."

"To what, Alexander?" Magnus couldn't help his voice being icy.

"Don't make me say it." Alec pleaded.

Magnus' heart melted at the sight of the boy. "Alec. Forgive me."

"No." Alec stepped back again. "I don't care if you're my soulmate. I'm going to find a girl and marry her. Have a life with her. I don't care if I'm..."

"Say it, Alexander." Magnus whispered.

Alec paused for a second, as if thinking about it, but he just shook his head again. "No. No. I never want to see you again. Do you hear me? I will not have you ruin my life and everything I've worked for!"

Magnus watched as Alec spun around and started walking away. He stretched his hand out but it fell, limp at his side. He just stared after his retreating soulmate.

 **Well...they met! Did you like it? Alec will age next chapter and he will be eighteen soon. (Possibly in the next chapter)**


	4. No matter where you are

**Okay, back! Disclaimer: I own nothing. This chapter will skip years until Alec is eighteen. Its just Alec throughout the years. But do read! It is important and I have been planning this chapter for a while. Let me know what you** **think!**

Chapter 4

 _Alec is 14_.

Magnus was out on his afternoon walk. He walked everyday in the park. It was peacful and he used the time to think. Usually, he thought about a certain blue-eyed Lightwood.

He hadn't seen Alexander since the _Indico_. He was twelve then and it had been two years. He didn't know how much he had changed, he didn't know what he had turned into. Part of him was scared to find out.

When Alec had left him alone in that corridor, he felt broken. He had called Catarina and talked to her for hours. She had tried to console him but it made him feel no better. His soulmate didn't want him. And he never would.

The sound of children laughing broke his daze. He followed the sound and saw four kids. One looked like a young teen, the other two a couple years younger. The last looked only about five. He was chasing a butterfly and giggling to himself.

Magnus moved closer and hid behind a tree. He instantly froze. Getting closer was a mistake. The oldest had picked up the youngest and spun him in his arms. It was Alexander. He was here.

He looked so happy, content. His eyes sparkled and his smile lit up his face. Magnus hadn't seen this side before. He didn't even know it existed. And that was when it hit him. This was the side he would fall in love with. No matter how hard he tried not to.

The other two ran towards them, laughing. A girl with black hair like Alec's and a blonde who slung his arm over Alec's shoulders. Magnus felt the need to punch that boy in his stupid face. But, with great effort, he retained himself.

Alec had put the boy down and the girl was crouched down, talking to him. Alec and the blonde idiot walked slightly further away and talked secretly. Alec put his hand on the boy's shoulder and Magnus tensed. What was he doing? His soulmate!

"Alec!" The little boy screeched, running towards him. "Kitty!" And he pointed at Magnus. Alec glanced over, still smiling. Magnus was gone within a second, portaling to God knows where. He didn't care. He just had to get out of there.

 _Alec is 16._

Magnus was lounging in his living room, stroking chairman meow. His mind was buzzing with the memory. The memory of his soulmate. That was two years ago but it still felt so fresh. It was implanted in his brain and he couldn't forget it if he tried.

Alexander had looked so happy, so... perfect. Magnus felt himself yearning to talk to the boy again. He knew that he wouldn't be a child anymore. He would be older, closer to a man. Magnus couldn't help his imagination running wild at this. _Closer to a man._

He gazed lovingly at the name on his wrist. _Alexander Lightwood._ He would see Alec again. He knew it. He didn't know when but he was clinging to the last strand of hope he had left. Over the years, Magnus had learnt it was bad to hope but when it came to Alec he knew he couldn't aford to lose it.

That was when his window broke. Glass scattered everywhere and Magnus ran towards the enormous rock that had caused the mess. He got ready to throw it back at the offenders when he heard voices.

"Why did you do that, Idiot?" A young man by the sound of it.

"Becasue we need help!" Came another voice.

"Yes, but not the help of..." The voice paused. "Him! And it's unlike you to admit we need help. The big Jace Wayland, needing help! Well I never!"

"Shut up, Alec. There are two many of them! So put your petty problems aside and let him help." Alec?

"Petty p..." Came Alec's voice. Magnus didn't recognise it. It was lower and more... warm."Oh, you know what, I don't care anymore."

Magnus walked over to the gap in the wall that used to be a window. Why did that 'Jace' have to break his window? He could have just knocked. Then he saw it. Oh. That was why.

'Jace' and Alexander were surrounded by Shax demons. Magnus realised that Jace was the blonde one he hated. Well, he hated him even more. Blondie had his seraph blade out while Alec was with a bow and arrow.

He shot those demons with a strange sense of ease. Each time he hit them in the exact same spot. He never missed. He was good. But not good enough. More and more demons aproached them, backing them up against the wall.

"I told you he wouldn't help!" Alec shouted. "He's probably pissed off that you broke his window. Why did you have to do that anwyay?"

Jace stabbed another demon. Magnus knew he was grinning even though he couldn't see it. "It was a quick and easy way to get his attention. We're just lucky they turned up outside his house. And he _will_ help!"

It hurt Magnus that Alec didn't trust him. But what should he have expected? Alec had made it perfectly clear he wanted nothing to do with him. His soulmate thought he was unreliable. Well, Magnus would prove him wrong.

Magnus jumped out of the gap and landed on two feet inbetween the shadowhunters. Perks of being a warlock. "Hello, boys." Magnus laughed, looking at Jace. He couldn't bare to look at Alexander. Then, with one blast of his magic, the demons disintegrated and they were alone once more.

"Wow." Jace muttered. "Impressive."

"Why, thank you." Magnus grinned.

"Jace, we need to go." Came Alec's voice. Magnus looked over to see him standing a few metres away. _Wow._ Was all he could think. Alec was already taller than him, he could tell. **(Going by tv show hights here. I like Alec being taller. Don't hate me.)** His black hair was a mess and waving in the wind. Those blue eyes were serious and determined. _Wow._ But he was still a little young.

"Don't you want to talk to him first?" Jace said slyly. Alec turned to look at Magnus, his face stone. Magnus could have sworn he saw a flicker of sadness but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"No." Alec hissed. He turned and left, leaving Magnus and Jace standing awkwardly alone.

 _Alec is 18._

Magnus had been called. He had been called to go to the New York institute! He would see Alec. Adult Alec. Appropriate age Alec. Magnus felt his stomach flutter.

He had portaled instantly to the institute when he heard that Jace Wayland had been severely injured. Not because he care about Jace. No. Because he wanted to see Alexander.

Magnus walked excitedly down the institute halls. All he was thinking as _Alec, Alec, Alec._ He was walking to the infirmary but checking every room on the way there, hoping that Alec was in them. Finally, he saw an open door.

He peacked in and there he was. Alexander. It was a training room, Magnus could see and Alec was angrilly punching the punch bag. _Just wow._ His face was focused and aged a lot since he had last seen him. Was his hair ever tidy? Magnus could see nearly every rune that covered his body. _Just wow._ How did he get so lucky to have him as a soulmate?

Alec gave a grunt of anger and rested his forehead on the bag. He yelled and closed his eyes. Magnus could guess he was this upset because of Jace but if only he knew the real reason...

The door creecked under Magnus' hand. Alec's head shot up and they locked eyes.

 **What do you think? Please let me know!**


	5. No matter what I do

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Here it is!!**

Chapter 5

It was like time had frozen. Magnus stared into those eyes at a loss for words. He was looking at him. He was looking at him! It was funny how such a little thing could make him so happy.

"What are you doing here?" Alec snarled through gritted teeth. Just like that, his happiness shattered.

"I...I came to see your brother." Magnus cursed himself for stuttering.

"I know." Alec snapped. "What I meant is what are you doing _here?"_ His fists were clenched and shaking.

"Oh." Magnus finally caught on. "Oh! Um... the door was open. I was curious." Magnus knew it was a lame exuse but what could he say? _I was desperately looking in every room to see if you just happened to be in one?_ He didn't want to come off as crazy.

"You were...curious?" Alec looked like he was about to burst. Magnus nodded his head nervously. "And you thought it was okay to go snooping around the institute? You? A warlock?! What gives you the right?"

The words him hit hard. His chest felt tight. When Alec was younger, something had stuck with Magnus. One of the things he had said. It had only been three words but they had meant so much to him. _You're not inferior._ Now he was here, saying the complete opposite.

"I was invited here." Magnus said as calmly as he could. His voice, though, was tight.

"That doesn't mean you are permitted to sneak around!"

"I wasn't sneaking." Magnus muttered.

Alec just stared at him, open mouthed. "Do you have _any_ idea what you have done?" He finally whispered, voice shaking. Magnus didn't have any idea so said nothing. "What you have done to my life?" Alec carried on.

"You have ruined it. Everywhere I turn there are people whispering, pointing. Any respect I had has vanished. I work twice as hard as anyone I know and I'm still treated as inferior. I'm a Lightwood, for goodness sake! And people can't stand to be in the same room as me. Every time I enter a public place, parents usher away their children like I've got some sort of disease. I'm never going to go anywhere, I'm always going to be frowned upon and it's becasue of you!"

This had never even occurred to Magnus before. He had been so preocupied with his problems, how unfair it was for _him_ , that he had never even thought about the impact it had had on Alec.

Alec didn't move his eyes away from the warlock and Magnus could slowly see them melt from ice to water.

"My father won't even look at me." The shadowhunter gasped. "He hasn't even talked to me since..." Alec closed his eyes and Magnus could clearly see his pain. But he didn't see the images dancing behind his eyelids.

 _His dad pulled him by the arm, practiclly dragging him across the corridor. Alec kept yelling, pleading him to stop but he didn't until they reached his office._

 _His father through him down on the chair and slammed the door behind him. "What was that?" He shouted. "What was it?!"_

 _"I...I don't know." 12-year-old Alec stuttered. The Indico_ _had just finished and his dad had immidiatly come storming towards him._

 _"You don't know?" Robert mocked. "Let me spell it out for you. You're soulmate is MAGNUS BANE?! Do you see what's wrong with that?"_

 _Alec nodded numbly, at a loss for words._

 _"Everything!" Robert boomed. "Everything is wrong with it! You are my eldest son, my heir! And you are filth!_ _Inhuman! Dirty! You are a discrase to you the Lightwood name and your mother and I are tempted to derune you!"_

 _Alec's head shot up. "No. No. Please, no."_

 _"Don't worry, I won't." Robert snapped. "I can't afford to ruin our name any further by having a Lightwood exiled."_

 _It was that sentance that made Alec realise that his dad didn't care. He never would. All he cared about was his reputation._

 _"Thank you." Was what he said. Robert smirked at him with a look that was scare just about anyone._

 _"Get out. You filth." He hissed._

Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus staring at him with a look of pity. Magnus. He knew it wasn't really his fault and that he shouldn't take it out on the man. But it felt that way. And it was so much easier just to put all the blame on him than accept the truth. The horrible truth.

"Alec." Magnus said. His voice was like silk. _No, Alec, stop._ "Are you okay?"

Magnus knew it was a lame question but he couldn't think of anything else to say. It broke his heart seeing Alec like this.

"Yeah." Alec suddenly straightened up and the wall was back up. "I'm fine. Just... you know... worried about Jace."

Magnus had completely forgotton about him. He had totally blanked that there was a boy dying a couple of rooms away.

"Yes. Yes, of course." Magnus said quickly, sensing that this was Alec's way of telling him to leave. "I better go."

"Sure." Alec muttered, looking at the floor. He didn't see Magnus leave but heard the door swing shut behind him. This one person had changed his life so much but there was a part of Alec that didn't despise him for it. A part of him that couldn't.

Magnus was there for him and always would be, Alec knew that already. The man was kind, caring and funny. But nothing could ever happen, he also knew that. He couldn't afford to give in, no matter how much he wanted to. Not now, not ever. He couldn't let Magnus break down the wall.

 **There it is! Let me know what you think. Xx**


	6. No matter what I say

**Here we go again. I've got an idea for a new story but I'm wondering if I should write it or not. Again, it's different and slightly confusing but I think it would be interesting to read. Should I bother? Please let me know, I need your opinions.** **Anyway, here's chapter 6!**

Chapter 6

Alec stood before the door to the infirmary, hand poised to knock. His mind was going into overdrive, he couldn't help. Should he knock? What if it disturbed Magnus? What if there was nothing he could do and Jace was dying? What if Jace was fine but that meant he had to talk to Magnus? But what was even worse, what if Magnus refused to talk to him? What if he was going to be ignored?

"Alec?" Came Izzy's voice from behind him. He instantly dropped his hand and turned to face her. "What are you doing?" She asked.

Alec swallowed nervously. "I was just...um... checking on Jace?" It sounded like a question.

"You were frozen stiff." Izzy chuckled. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I...I'm fine."

Realisation dawned on Izzy's face. "They called _him_ didn't they?" Her voice was suddenly soft.

"Yeah." Alec croaked.

His sister sighed and walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist. They just stood there for a while, silent.

"Will you even consider talking to him?" She eventually asked.

"Actually, I have."

"What?!" She screeched loudly, breaking away. Her eyes were glinting mischievously. "When? What happened? What did you say? What did he say?"

"Calm down, Izzy." Alec grumbled.

"No!" Izzy yelled. "You have to..." Hiccup. "Tell." Hiccup. "Me!"

Alec grabbed his sister's shoulders. "Isabelle. Listen to me. There's nothing to day, calm down."

Izzy gave him a look of dispair but kept her mouth shut. She gave him the puppy dog eyes but he refused to be persuaded. "No." He whispered.

"Fine." She sighed. Before slowly smiling. "If you won't tell me, maybe he will." She knocked on the door loudly, Alec giving her a look of sheer horror.

Magnus opened the door and smiled. "Well, hello. I guess you're here to see your brother. If not, I'm flattered."

Izzy laughed and Alec scowled. "We're here to see our brother." He snapped.

Magnus looked at him silently for a second before nodding and letting them past. Jace lay sleeping on a bed and Alec rushed towards him. Izzy and Magnus stayed back.

Magnus watched the shadowhunter kneel by his parabatai's side and smiled sadly. "He really cares for him, doesn't he?" He whispered to Isabelle.

"He does." She replied. "Jace is everything to him."

Magnus didn't know why he felt a pang of jealousy at this. It was irrational, he knew, but still...

"I should go." He said unnecessarily loudly, hoping that Alec would hear and stop him.

Alec did look at him, eyes wide, but said nothing. Magnus knew that he wanted him to leave.

"Wait, Magnus. I want to ask you something..." Izzy began.

Magnus flicked his hand dismissively. "Ask me later, dear. I have a feeling that I have overstayed my welcome." He took out a piece of paper from his pocket and wrote his number on it. "Call me." He said, with a dazzling smile and wink. Why not?

What he didn't see was Alec scowl at this. He didn't like his soulmate flirting with his sister. Magnus didn't look at him again before he opened the door and walked out.

Izzy laughed slightly, looking at the paper. "Go after him." She giggled.

"Why?" Alec snarled.

Izzy sniggered again and showed the paper to him.

 _Izzy, please tell your grump of a brother to start smiling. I can't stand the fact that all he does is mope. His smile is what I know I will fall in love with. Also, he is totally dreamy when angry. Actually, he is totally dreamy all the time._

 _Ps: Don't show this to him. I will track you down and personally destory all your clothes. Here's my number..._

Alec stared at it, mouth agape.

"He likes you." Izzy stated. "Go after him."

Alec did nothing.

"Now!"

At this, he got up and ran out of the room. He didn't want to confront angry Izzy. Also, there was a tiny part of him that _wanted_ to talk to Magnus. He knew it was a mistake but if Magnus walked away now, there was a possibility he would never see him again. He couldn't let that happen.

Magnus was already quite a way down the corridor and Alec started to run faster. "Magnus!" He yelled. He saw Magnus stop and turn towards him, smiling.

When Alec got to the warlock, he was out of breath and panting. He had to get himself together. Quickly.

"Umm..." He muttered. _Great start, Idiot._ "Thanks."

Magnus raised his eyebrows, saying nothing. Alec immediately wondered if he'd said something wrong and started stuttering. _Like a mad man._

"F...F...For helping Jace. I'm sure he would thank you himself... if he was conscious. But he's not so I'm doing it. And he's my _parabatai_ so we're connected anway. So... in a way... it's kind of like he is thanking you. T...T...Through me."

 _What was that?! You're better than this, Lightwood! He thinks you're insane now!_

But Magnus' smile just got wider. "Well, you can tell Jace that I'm honoured by his gratitude but I was just doing my job."

"Oh." Alec said breathlessly. "Oh. I...I will."

Magnus laughed and turned to walk away. "I smile!" Alec yelled after him. Anything to stop him leaving.

Well, it worked. Magnus looked at him again, slightly sadly. "Not around me."

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find words. "And, since Izzy showed you that, she can say goodbye to her sparkly stilettos."

"How did you know she has..." Alec began.

"I'm a Warlock, darling. I know things." And that was all he said, before walking away again. This time Alec didn't stop him. Becasue he had nothing to say.

 **Well, what did you think? And let me know your thoughts about the other story. I _need_ to know what you think. Xx**


	7. No matter how long

**Wow. How long has it been? It has felt like years. So sorry but finally, here's another chapter. I own nothing.**

Chapter 7

"Alec! Alec!" Clary yelled, running down the corridor. She banged on his bedroom door repeatedly until he finally yanked the door open.

"What?!" He yelled. Clary and Simon had arrived to the institute about two years ago. It had been right after Jace had woken up. They had literally fallen on their doorstep, beaten and tired.

No one had a clue who they were and originally neither did they. They couldn't remember anything for about a week. Alec distinctly remembered it being very draining, nursing them and helping them remember.

When they finally had, the story was harrowing. Valantine Morgenstern was Clary's father and Simon had been one of the mundane slaves they illegally kept. One day Jocelyn, her mum, had challenged Valantine. And Clary and Simon, along with many others, had joined her side.

Unfortunately, it didn't work and Jocelyn was killed. The others were thrown into jail and tortured for years. Until eventually, they decided to escape. And yet Clary and Simon were the only two who made it out. The others either killed or captured. Once they found safety at the institute, Clary had decided to change her name to her mum's maden name. As a tribute to Jocelyn and disgust at her father. She was now no longer a Morgenstern but a Fairchild.

It had been two years and Alec still found them both extremely irritating. Yeah, yeah, they had a tough past but that didn't make them any less annoying. Especially since Clary was Jace's soulmate and Simon Izzy's. He wanted them to be happy... but it was still painful.

"It's time for the Indico." She beamed. Clary loved the ceremony. She found it a symol of love in a world of hate. Her words, not Alec's. He despised it. Why?

Because he did. Shut up and stop asking questions.

Alec groaned. "Why do I have to go? No one wants me there anyway."

"Because it is the _law_!" Clary sang, grabbing his hand. "Come on. We're late!"

 ** _Mags_** ** _pov_**

Magnus sat in his alicated seat and closed his eyes. He was hoping he would fall asleep instantly and wake up when it was all over. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around. _Damn it._ _It never works._

He looked at his watch. The shadowhunters should be coming in soon. He hated watching them all walk in sync and line up against the wall. Too many memories.

The doors suddenly burst open and a ginger girl he'd never seen before came running in. She was dragging someone behind her. Someone who clearly wanted to be anywhere else. He had his head down, just showing a mop of black hair.

But Magnus knew who it was. Because this was like a reinactmant of eight years ago. And he wanted to flee. Because this time, a beautiful girl was holding his hand. _I can't belive he did it._ Magnus thought, remembering Alec's words all those years ago. _"I'm going to find a girl and marry her._ _Have a life with her."_

Magnus felt like his heart was lead. He had had only a few conversations with the man and yet...

Magnus followed Alec with his eyes and watched him slump into a chair. The shadowhunter crossed his arms. Perhaps this ceremony brought Alec as much pain as it brought him. _Alexander._

On cue, Alec's head snapped up. Woah. That was a _weird_ coincidence. Magnus expected Alec to glare but he looked almost sad. Neither tearing their eyes away. People were probably looking at them. They didn't care. Why didn't they care?

"Attention." Robert Lightwood boomed. Everyone silenced and Magnus watched Alec slowly turn his head. Magnus felt like he had lost something.

Then, on cue, the Shadowhunters marched in and Magnus shivered. Eerie. They stood behind their wall, faces stone. Magnus wondered how hard it must be to do that, to resist the urge to laugh at inappropriate times. He could never be a shadowhunter.

It all felt like it happened in slow motion. In truth, it was probably just a few seconds but it felt like minutes. The wall where the 12 year olds were standing burst. Dusk and rock flew into Magnus' face and he was knocked backwards. Then again, so was eveyone else. There was a loud ring that pierced Magnus' ears and the world wobbled.

But after a while, there was a different ring. A scream. Magnus sat up and his whole body ached. Everyone else was still down, most unconscious, apart from two shadowhunters. Alec and his sister. He had his arms around her and she was sobbing into his chest. Alec was keeping it together but staring at the dead children in dispair. His eyes were watery and Magnus could see how hard he was trying not to cry.

Somone raised from next to them and Magnus couldn't help but scowl. 'Jace' looked around for a minute before whispering. "Where's Clary?" Who's Clary? But the Lightwoods seemed to know. Alec peeled Izzy out of his grasp and swore.

"Where's Simon?" Izzy chocked. There was a pause as realisation dawned on the others. Now who's Simon?

"I'm here." Croaked someone from the floor. Izzy ran towards him and lifted him up. They hugged tightly. The boy's brown hair had dust in it, his glasses were crooked and cracked.

"Brilliant." Alec said sarcastically. "But where's Clary?"

That was when Magnus realised. Clary was the ginger girl. She'd been taken.

"What's going on?" Robert yelled, standing up and he glared around. "Every one up!" Everyone who could, stood up immediately. Including Magnus.

"Where's Clary Fairchild?" 'Jace' asked. It seemed no one knew. There were murmers and gasps.

"What does that matter?!" Screamed a woman. She was sobbing uncontrollably. "My child is dead!" This created a whole new reaction. Magnus had never seen Shadowhunters cry and so many were doing so now.

"Who did this?" Robert snapped. Who indeed.

 **Well? What do you think? I tried. Please let me know.**


	8. No matter what you think

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.** **I'm back! But, honestly, I have very little idea where this story is going. I have a vauge outline but that's it. I'm just winging it!**

Chapter 8

Alec glanced at Jace, who looked distraught. He couldn't blame him. His soulmate had just been taken and Jace loved her more than anything. Unfortunately, Alec couldn't relate to that.

"Who did this?" Robert said. Honestly, Alec was a little disappointed that his father hadn't figured that out yet. Jace looked at his _parabatai_ at his. They knew. Izzy and Simon stared at him to, all four were having a silent conversation and one word kept being repeated. _Valantine._

There was uproar. Shadowhunters were shouting and crying over their children. No one noticed Alec, Jace, Izzy and Simon walk out. At least, that's what Alec thought.

 **Mag pov**

Magnus watched the four sneak out of the room with curiosity. What were they doing? Without realising it, he silently followed them. Skipping through the tiny gap between the doors before they closed.

The warlock made sure that he was far away from the shadowhunters but not so much that he lost sight of them. They ran up the stairs, lead by Alec. Magnus found it extremely hard to catch up with them and was out of breath very quickly. But he wasn't so slow that he didn't see them hide in a room.

The black door was slightly ajar and Magnus walked up to it. He could see them and let's just say they didn't look very composed. They were in a bedroom. It was plain and tidy. There was a picture of Izzy and Jace on the bedside table so Magnus made a guess that it was Alec's.

"It's him. Isn't it?" The boy with glasses gasped, breathlessly. "He took her."

There was a silence and Magnus stopped breathing. _He._ They knew who it was.

"I think so." Said Alec.

"Well, then what do we do?" Isabelle snapped, her hand on the gangly boy's back.

"I...I don't know." Alec whispered. He sounded broken. _Of Course._ Thought Magnus. _He's just lost his partner._ Magnus knew they weren't married, Alec wasn't wearing a wedding bracelet. But they could be engaged. It hurt Magnus to think about it. _Just **stop.**_ He urged himself.

"Well, we need to think of something!" Screamed James. No. John? Jack? Eh, let's go with Jack. Magnus didn't really care any way.

"I know!" Alec yelled back. There was a pause. "Alright, look. We need to calm down and think rationally. We won't get anything done this way."

"We need to save her." The mundane stated. Alec looked at him like he had three heads.

"Yes, obviously! But we need a plan." He said slowly. "Now, Simon, do you have any idea where he may be?"

'Simon' groaned and put his head in his hands. "I don't know, uh, if he's still in the same place he was before, I might be able to find it."

"But what if he's not?" 'Jack' snapped.

"Better not to think about that." Izzy muttered, looking at her feet.

"It's the best chance we've got." Alec said. "Even if he's not there, there may be something that will help us track..." He paused midsentence, one hand in the air. "Track." He repeated to himself before striding over to his cupboards. He rumaged through one and revealed a small painting.

"Clary did that." Izzy whispered.

"Yeah." Alec breathed. "Remember when she painted one for each of us. As a thank you?"

Izzy and Jace nodded, smiling sadly. Alec sighed and held it tightly, and orange ora formed around it. He was tracking her. After a few seconds, Alec exhaled angrily. "Someone's blocking her. Let's do this, Jace."

Oh, right. That was his name. Oh, well, he was close enough with Jack. Apparently Jace came up to Alec and held the painting along with him. _Parabatai_ tracking. It was strangely intimate and Magnus felt the need to strangle that stupid blonde. Alexander wasn't his but he was still his soulmate.

The orange glow faded and the boys smiled. "We've got her." 'Jace' grinned. "Simon, you were right. They're at his mansion."

"Let's go then. What are we waiting for?" Simon yelled, walking towards the door. Alec stepped in front of him and put a hand out.

"Slow down. We can't just go by ourselves, it's a suicide mission. We need help." He said softly.

"From who?" Simon snapped. "The Clave? They don't know where Clary and I came from. They think she came from the LA institute and I'm a mundane with the sight who's too nosy for his own good. That they had no choice to accept me. How would we explain why Valantine took Clary?"

 _Valantine_? _What_ _the_ _hell?_ Magnus thought. Four heads snapped up and stared at him. Oh, crap. Maybe he hadn't just thought that after all.

" _What_ are you doing here?" Alec hissed, yanking the door open.

Magnus put on a fake smile. "Well, hello to you to." He stepped inside the room, looking around. "Hmm. It's a bit drab, isn't it?"

Alec glared at him. "You didn't answer my question."

"I thought it was obvious. I'm here to help." Magnus stretched his arms out, grinning.

"No. You're not." Alec said slowly. Magnus' arms and smile dropped.

"You just said yourself, you need help. And here I am." He stepped towards Alec.

"We don't need _your_ help."

"Darling, I'm a warlock." Alec flinched at the pet name. "I'm going to be more help to you than an _army_ of Shadowhunters."

Alec said nothing, just narrowed his eyes. He hadn't taken his eyes of Magnus this entire time. "Come on, _hermano._ " Izzy said. "He's right, we need him."

"No." Alec said, not tearing his eyes away.

"Come on, man. Why are you so against him anyway?" Simon asked.

"Because he's Magnus Bane." Alec stated. _Yeah_ , _so?_

Simon's eyes widened. "No way." He gapsed. " _You're_ his..." Izzy elbowed him in the ribs and he doubled over. It was 'Jace's' turn to speak.

"Alec, mate. I know this is hard but think of Clary. What if something happened to her? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself."

Magnus scoffed in envy. No one seemed to notice. "Put your own problems aside and let him help. He could portal us there, this would be over so much quicker."

"Not if Valantine had a warlock put up wards over his area. A portal wouldn't work."

"But what if it does?"

Alec said nothing, just stared at Magnus. Yet, strangely, it wasn't uncomfortable.

" _Alec._ " 'Jace" almost whined.

"Please, Alexander." Magnus whispered. Alec's eyes widened slightly before he closed them. He inhaled deeply before saying.

"Fine."

 **There we go! Let me know what you think! Until next time...**


End file.
